A Lot Has Happened

On Tuesday, May 28th, Chris and I found out the best news we could've heard in the past 2 1/2 years...we found out we were pregnant!  I was having menstrual-like cramps all that past week.  I thought maybe I was going to start my period, but I never did.  So I called the nurse at my OBGYN clinic and told her what was going on.  She told me it might have been a reaction from all the Clomid I had been taking, but it also could've been a sign that I was pregnant.  She told me to take a test that day and then call her the next day with my results.  So that day after work, I picked up a couple pregnancy tests from the grocery store.  

After peeing on the first test, within about 30 seconds, the word "Pregnant" appears on it.  I started freaking out.  No way was this actually happening! Holy crap!  I took a picture of the test and sent it to Chris.  He called me and said, "Is this a joke?!" and to my reply, I said, "Nope! I'm gonna be a mom!" and then the tears started.  We both were freaking out, and Chris being the most wonderful guy ever, told me how happy and excited he was!  I was just so excited I couldn't believe my biggest dream was finally coming true.  After all we have gone through to get to this point, it was such an amazing feeling to see a positive pregnancy test!  I then decided to take another test, just to be absolutely sure!  Same thing, within less than a minute, a positive sign shows up. We were so ecstatic!
I remember saying a prayer to Heavenly Father thanking him for this amazing opportunity and that I was going to be the best mother that I could be!

I had to call my family and tell them the good news and so did Chris! We just couldn't wait to share the amazing news!  Everybody was so excited!  I will never forget my mom saying, "Yay! I'm going to be a grandma!"  That was one of my top favorite moments in my life.

The next day, I called my doctor's office and told them the wonderful news.  They were so excited for me and gave me a date for my first ultra sound appointment.  July 3rd would be my first appointment, which would make me almost 10 weeks at that point.
Through out the pregnancy, I was experiencing some uncomfortable symptoms.  Mostly extreme cramping.  Me, being a worrywart, had to google everything and call my nurse about every symptom I had just to be sure everything was going ok.  I told the nurse about my crazy cramping and she told me it was completely normal for women to feel cramping, especially within the early stages of pregnancy.  It could be just my uterus expanding and making room for my baby.
At about 5 1/2 weeks, I totally passed out.  I remember using the restroom, and coming out of the bathroom and completely blacking out.  I had fainted!  Chris came to my rescue and we decided that this definitely wasn't a normal sign.  I called my doctor and told her about my fainting episode and she told me to come in if it had happened again.  Well, about 3 days later, it almost happened again-lucikly I was sitting down so I didn't completely black out, but I would have if I had not been sitting. I called my doctor again and she made me come in a couple days later.
At that appointment with my doctor, she made an ultra sound appointment for the next week just as a precaution.
On Friday, June 14th, my appointment date came for my ultra sound, and I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty stoked! I was 7 1/2 weeks when at this point.  We came into the ultra sound room, when the ultrasound tech put the warm gel on my belly and looked around.  I could see where my uterus was, but couldn't really see anything specific.  She told me even this early in the pregnancy, she could still be able to see the baby and even the heartbeat (but we wouldn't be able to hear it because it was so early).  She then did a different kind of ultra sound and looked around for about a minute.  She then had a super worried look on her face.  She then said she would be right back and left the room.  I was freaking out inside! What was going on?!  Chris then said, "I think something is wrong.  She looked worried."  I agreed and said, "I hope not!"  She then came back in with a man and introduced him as Dr. Merrill (he was not my OBGYN, just another doctor that was there since my doctor was off for the day).  Dr. Merrill then explained to me that I had an ectopic pregnancy and I would definitely be needing surgery that day.
My heart sunk.  There is no possible way this was happening.  I had read about ectopic pregnancies and how rare they are.  There is no way that this was happening to me.  I immediately started crying and asked the doctor and bajillion questions.  He told me ectopic pregnancies occur about 1 out of every 500 women.  This was something that wasn't normal, but was very dangerous and needed immediate medical attention.  He described an ectopic pregnancy as the embryo implanting outside of the uterus, and in my case, it was implanted in the fallopian tube, where my baby was growing.  There is no way a baby could survive growing there and he said it was fatal to the mother if the baby had grown to a size where my fallopian tube were to burst (causing internal bleeding-which would be fatal to the mother).  I would have to medically abort the baby.  He told me he looked like he would be able to save the tube and it didn't look like there was much damage.
The next thing I know, Chris and I are driving to Jordan Valley Hospital, and checking in to get ready for my surgery.  This was my first surgery and I was so scared.  Luckily Chris was there and he is just so amazing at making scary situations not so scary.  They brought me into a room where I changed into a gown.  At this point for some reason, I was feeling A LOT of pressure in my butt (sorry if this is TMI!).  I mean, this was the most pressure I have felt anywhere.  It hurt so bad, I keeled over and couldn't move.  Chris got worried and got a nurse, who came in and gave me an IV with some fluids and some pain medication.  The pressure was still there and it hurt no matter what position I was laying.  All I could think about what this crazy pain I was feeling.  I had no idea what was going on.  I remember blacking out a couple times because the pain was so bad.
Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and asked me a bunch of medical questions.  Chris had to answer most of them since I was in too much pain to even listen to this guy.  After about 20 minutes, the pain medication was finally sinking in and I could actually concentrate on other things.

Before drugs..

After drugs...

I then got wonderful news that my OBGYN, Dr. Anders, was coming to do my surgery!  This made me very happy!  She is such a wonderful doctor, who I trust so much, and it made me feel a little bit better to hear that she was going to be there.  She came into my room and talked to me and Chris for a few minutes.  She told me she couldn't believe that this was happening to us and she wanted to be there for us.  

The next thing I knew, I was being wheeled into the operating room.  I remember the room being very white with a bunch of nurses in there just waiting for me to arrive.  They were listening to Imagine Dragons and my anesthesiologist was singing along.  I remember telling him he had a very nice voice (it was the medication talking!).  The next thing I knew, I had a mask on me and then I fell asleep.

I woke up to Chris sitting in the chair next to me.  I was so happy to see him!  He asked how I was feeling and I said, "Good! My butt doesn't hurt anymore!" haha.  My mom, Chris' sister and his dad then came in to visit me.  I was glad to see some familiar faces!  

The doctor came in and told me that my fallopian tube was too damaged to save and I had about 1000 cc's of blood just sitting in me that she had to drain out.  She said if I had waited another 12 hours to have this surgery, it would've been fatal because of how much internal bleeding I had.  She told me that even though I had to sacrifice one of my tubes, that I should still be successful in getting pregnant in the future.  She just told me I had to wait a couple months to start trying again.  At this point, I was feeling so overwhelmed with all that had happened, but very grateful at the same time that I was still alive and with my family.

I stayed there for a couple more hours when I then got the ok to go home.  I was put in a wheel chair, and pushed out to the front door.  Chris went to go get the car, and as he pulled up, I had fainted and puked all over myself (gross, I'm sorry!).  I woke up to me being all wet and light headed.  The nurse then wheeled me into the bathroom where she changed me into a gown that I could go home in. I had fainted because of all the blood that I had lost.

I then went home and just laid low.  It's the worst feeling trying to do something as simple as to sit up and not being able to do it by yourself.  I was so sore!!  Chris even had to carry me to the restroom when I had to go.  I felt so bad for him!  Over the next few days, it became easier to sit up and walk. 

On Sunday, we celebrated Father's Day.  I felt terrible not being able to get my dad anything.  We had planned on going Father's Day shopping on Friday night, but we all know how that turned out lol.  That morning, we went to breakfast with my family and then that afternoon, we went and saw Superman with Chris's family (which is a terrible movie by the way.  Don't say I didn't warn ya!)

During the week last week before everything happened, I took Chris to the mall and told him I wanted to get him a Father's Day gift since he was technically a dad at that point.  I thought about this moment all day and just felt horrible.  I couldn't give Chris the gift of being a father and I had felt so guilty for this.  I knew this was something was really looking forward to.  But I know one day he will get the opportunity to be a dad, and he's gonna be the best dad out there!

These past few days have really made me realize what amazing family and friends I have.  All the text messages, phone calls, flowers, meals, and visits have meant so much to me.  I really take for granted what amazing people are in my life and I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system.  I am so grateful for everybody who has contacted me.  Even just telling me that I'm in their prayers means SO much.  My friend Rose came over with this adorable "get well" box of goodies that I just have to share because it is so cute and I know it took her a lot of time to put together:

How cute and amazing is that?! I'm so in awe in how crafty she is!  She even included a few goodies for Roxy :)  What a very thoughtful thing for her to do-I love it so much!

I'm still feeling sore and still supposed to stay in bed and heal.  But I'm much more mobile than I was a few days ago!  

These past few days have been a super emotional time for Chris and I.  Some days, I'm just fine, and other days, I'll have a little breakdown thinking about all that we had to go through to get the opportunity to be parents and to get it taken away so fast.  It just sucks thinking, "When am I gonna catch a freaking break?!" 

But for the most part, I'm feeling super grateful and fortunate about how everything played out since it could have turned out much worse.  I'm feeling optimistic that I am going to be a mom one day and I think I'm gonna be a pretty awesome mom.  I cannot wait to get that opportunity again!!